Random Thoughts From A Not So Confused Mind.

 Do you ever feel as though you can never win? My dad is constantly hounding me and I feel so alone. I try to talk to my best friend and I wish she got it, but she doesn't because she grew up with happy parents, which I wish I had and I am so happy she had. But, it leaves the support that I need lacking because the listening is caring is not there. When there is an issue with us, she ignores me and pretends to miss my phone calls and texts and that right there isn't fair. I am constantly giving her all of my water and all I ask is to leave me the last drop, and that doesn't happen and if I call her out on it, I am the bad guy? It is my water. I feel as though I keep giving myself to people who don't care. I am writing here because I have no place else to go. I don't want to talk to friends about this because we have the same circles and that isn't fair to her. She really is a good person with her own issues, but those own issues overlook and overthrow anything e...

The newest form of torture is not allowing me to sleep. He doesn't need much to function, so instead of letting me sleep he will keep me awake all night long with his TV being super loud and doing god knows what in the kitchen. If I ask him to turn it down he just yells and says I am trying to pick a fight and then turns it up more. I am almost done with school and I cannot retain any information for quizzes because I am so tired all the time. I don't want to have to retake a term because I failed because I cannot sleep. I miss sleep, I really do. I know I say I can function on little, but it is starting to get to me. I need more so I can remember things. I am anxious all the time and constantly crying at stupid shit. I just need a break. I am once again watching my dreams disappear as I find I have to go another route. The one I want just isn't enough to get me and the kids out of this situation. Narcissitic   people really suck.

I haven't been writing because there hasn't been anything positive.  Today he actually punched my car....twice.... in front of the neighbors while yelling at me saying I was the problem.  It's so embarrassing and exhausting. It has been every single day since he's been back from the hospital.  I just want to graduate and I cannot even concentrate on school because I am so stressed at home.   My mom took the kids to my sister's right now since I had to go to work (which is still volunteer as they can't hire me until after my internship).  I feel so defeated.  He's never going to stop.