Random Thoughts From A Not So Confused Mind.

Finally. After all this time I will always trust my gut. If it makes me seem paranoid. Guess what, I don't care. I am "paranoid" for a reason. I finally caught someone in the act of lying to me. This going to a couples therapist is a joke. He doesn't want to fix things, he just wants to string me on forever because he knows I will take the kids away from him. Tonight he tells me he is going to bed. One of the worst gut feelings I had. So since it was on my way home, I decided to discount my gut feeling once and for all. Low and behold, I was right. Was he asleep? No. He was sitting on his porch with a girl. All he had to tell me was he had a guest over and couldn't talk. But that is to hard. I do love him. And most likely always will. But I deserve more than these lies. More than these stories. And so do my kids.  We ALL deserve more than what he is  giving any of us. Including his family. As he uses them for cover.

January 21, 2011 I purchased my Wedding dress in hopes to wear it in April. Due to obvious events, that didn't happen and I never picked up the dress. A year later, I come home and low and behold, my dress is in my garage. I knew this day was coming but I NEVER expected it to hit me this hard. I had a full on crying breakdown in my bosses office. Thankfully he is a very understanding person and won't hold this against me. He instantly made me feel better and laugh. I am very grateful for that. I know I should most likely just sell my dress. But just like my ring, I can't bring myself to do it. I think I am holding out until the bitter end, or until I am numb of the emotional attachment I have to both. And that is the end of my emo tastic post.