Random Thoughts From A Not So Confused Mind.

 This last half of the year has flown by. I am in a new place, struggle bussing away. But, out of the house. I gotta find a way to make ends meet for the foreseeable future, and I cry a lot, but its better than being yelled at all the time.  I am looking for a secon job where I can work from home, but apparently there isn't a lot of that available in California. I don't understand why not. But any suggestions, would be great. I would like to not live on the streets anytime soon. I am still very happy with my relationship. He's a wonderful man that I drive crazy. But, I guess there's nothing you can do about that.  Anyways, that is all I have in the form of updates right now. I am going to watch a movie for now.  <3

It's happening.  I'm moving.  Yes, I have to or CPS will take the kiddos. But I found a place that will take almost all my animals.  So signing my lease today.  I'm so happy to finally have some relief.  Now to start the long list of things I don't have as my dad has destroyed them over the years. If anyone wants to help a stranger out, I'm shameless leaving my wishlist link because it may be a long time before I can even afford a sofa, let alone a refrigerator.  https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/2AL22C1XBA8KW?ref_=wl_share

After I quit my job, my life was turned upside down. It's been a Rollercoaster of good and bad. April first I went on a date with a man that I totally like. Two days later my daughter attempted self harm and was placed on a hold. During the hold CPS has become involved due to some things my daughter has said.  I have to move due to these accusations.  April 12 I went to a Muse concert with the ex-boyfriend who ghosted me and I realized how much I liked the guy I went on a date with at the start of April. April 15/16 date guy asked me to be his official girlfriend.  Now, I know this may seem fast, but I did meet him about a year prior to this date. My daughter had a conflict at school and I told her to go to the teacher and she did and then she said some things unrelated to the conflict that got CPS called once again. So it is a constant up and down of emotions while I juggle this new boyfriend that I really like and all the issues with my daughter. I'm sending the kids to...

Recently I had surgery. I was out on leave for six weeks recovering and everything was great (minus the home drama, that will not be part of this post after this). I go back to work to a changed schedule. The Thursday before I go back, my manager called and gave me a heads up that our Critical care unit was hurting, and they needed coverage. The plan was for me to cover two days there, and remain two days in Emergency, which was my normal schedule. I agreed. Those two days became three and I just let it slide. First week back, second day in, I had a full on break down in our social workers office crying my eyes out because we had over 20 patients and just me and one other tech. Out of those patients, four of them had been actively trying to die on us, and one of them did die after I went home for the evening. In situations like this, I get extremely angry, because this was preventable for us to be this stressed out, maybe not the death, but the stress for sure. More help should have be...

Growing up in a home with Domestic Voilence isn't something that is always seen from outsiders. Family and friends may think everything is great. The abuser comes off as a great guy. Becomes friends with your friends, sometimes better friends than you because you're too afraid to let anyone get close and see the truth. I'm 37 years old and still living in an abusive home because this economy is not kind. I have safeguards to protect my mind now, but damage has been done after 30+ years of abuse.   I know I've mentioned incidents in the past, but I want to do a deeper dive into why abusers get away with so much and why victims stay as long as we do. The simple answer comes down to this. Abuse happens because the world let's it happen. This isn't just a problem in America, but world wide. Our system fails us, every single day. Just because we aren't getting physically beat up every single day, doesn't mean there isn't damage being done. Coercive contro...