Random Thoughts From A Not So Confused Mind.

It's always a hard thing to know someone for years, then all of a sudden they turn into someone you really didn't know. It happened with the person I am with and now with one of my best friends. The girl that caused all of these issues, and he did know, is now his new little sex buddy. I don't understand how someone could be so cold.   Then, the one person who means anything to me in this world is severly sick and I can't fix it. I feel so helpless and alone. All I want is her to get better. Please pray for her. She needs everyones love right now.

I have realized that huge changes are needed for me to be happy. I gave up on my own happiness to try to make him happy. I want more tattoo's, piercing and strange hair colors. I told him I wouldn't get another tattoo or piercing. I told him I most likely wouldn't try to get on a motorcycle. But that's not fair to me. These are things that make me who I am. I like tattoos, random body jewelry, motorcycles, extreme fashions and colors. So why did I stop for him? I Compromised myself because I was looking for something that wasn't there. Well no more. I am going to come back. If he leaves during this process, then I know it wasn't mean to be.

So, this month has been a bit rough. My Great Aunt has passed on. Then a day after her funeral my dog that I have had for 8 years bit my dad. We had to take him to the ER. Three days later we had to take my dog to the shelter. She is going to be put down here soon. It makes me very upset. I love her and she was a wonderful dog. And apparently she has shown no aggression at he shelter. How is this fair?! I can't stand it, but by law, her life has already been ended.  I love you my good pet. I am very sorry that this is all happening, and I hope you stay with me throughout my life.

So. Scheduling at work got terrible. I was on a shift that was awesome. However, since he was also on the shift they split us up. This only happened because someone complained so they could get my shift. It was awesome. It then ended up screwing a few other couples. Very sad really.  Then today I was sitting there and I heard her name being mentioned by our HR rep. And I got scared, and had a panic attack. All I could think about is if she started to work for us again, I would lose my job and go to jail all in the same day. I hate how this all comes back around. The waves that his actions caused will last forever it seems. How can I even attempt to get over it when it is one thing after another. Then tomorrow I get to explain to my son why his Dog is missing. She bit my dad, and unfortunantly we will not risk the danger of her hurting someone else. God forbid it was one of the babies. I also stress about the person dearest to me. She is going through a very rough time with her...