Random Thoughts From A Not So Confused Mind.

The Tide has now calmed With light waves on the sand No shells being broken on Rocks Still no one is holding my hand. Standing strong in the Moonlight, Gazing at the Stars Looking like a Goddess, with out a Heart. The Ironic Happiness, Of standing alone, Proves you are strong And will move on. .

I know that this is coming a few days after the fact. But I am fine now and I am sorry for the horrible language if it has offended anyone. However, that doesn't mean I am removing the post. I went out tonight after work. And ya know what. I had a great time. Sucks that I am finally getting along with more people and half of them are getting up and leaving in a few weeks to a few months. Such goes life. Well that is all I really have to say tonight. So night all.

So I have come to the conclusion that I need to disappear. I am being made out to be the bad guy and I can't stand it. Not to mention more than one person has told me not to go over and try to be friends any more. Like what the fuck ever right.?! My so called "Friends" have turned against me. My own family is no longer helping me with just listening to my side. I don't want advice, I just need to vent. And the center of all this Drama can only say " Do what you gotta do, I may not like it, but I understand." What The Fuck Does That Fucking Mean!?!?!?!?! Everything is so Crypted and Elusive that it just sucks. I want to cry and I almost cried on him today. But I can't. All I have is me. This is who I am. I will always be friends. But hey, why am I sitting back and taking the shit when I shouldn't even be involved in this fucked up drama. Yeah so this is my position right now and it is basically saying fuck the whole situation. It is not fair to me....

"Keep Holding On" You're not alone Together we stand I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand When it gets cold And it feels like the end There's no place to go You know I won't give in No I won't give in Keep holding on 'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through Just stay strong 'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you There's nothing you could say Nothing you could do There's no other way when it comes to the truth So keep holding on 'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through So far away I wish you were here Before it's too late, this could all disappear Before the doors close And it comes to an end With you by my side I will fight and defend I'll fight and defend Yeah, yeah Keep holding on 'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through Just stay strong 'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you The...

Have you ever kisses someone who isn't available and then feel like complete shit after becuase you know you just helped in making that person less faithful? Yeah. I feel like crap.

Okay. So my whole issue has seemed to have gotten worse. I was confronted and I told the truth. But now what does that leave me? Nothing. Now that the truth is out there, things will be resolved and fixed. Have I just lost my chance? However, there is a quote that I live by, and must stick by. Here it is.. " You must lose something you can't afford to lose, trust someone you have no reason to trust, and love someone with no hope of him ever loving you in return " Kind of a fucked up way to look at life I guess. But then at the same time, is it really? At least in the end you know you have lived life to the fullest. And, hey, I can live with that. SO basically if I do lose this chance at love. At least I know I have tried. I love and most likely will be saying loved, but at least I have tried. I mean I do sit here and try to be optimistic , but sometimes you just can't. So here goes another day of confusion, another day of life, and yet another random post so the w...

So I am just sitting here getting ready for work. Re-read my post from this morning. ( Or last night seeing how I slept between posts.) I know that it does not make sense at all. But it does to me. And it really isn't fair that I am willing to sit here and wait with out the reassurance that I will get what I want in the end. Should I sit here and trust my gut instinct? Or should I go against it and find someone else? I guess Time will only tell which I should choose. Going with the Flow. I know Who I am Am. I am happy (for the most part) with the person I call myself. I am not going to change that ever. So if this person chooses the other, I will be okay and I will find some one else. Because I am a strong person.

Strange that I now Somehow feel that I want to write a public blog for all to see. Yes I will prolly never tell me real name. But this is a way just to get random feelings and thoughts heard. Get random opinions from other people. I guess that could be a good thing. Take a different out look on life. Once that is most likely needed. Or maybe this is a way for me to just vent. Get it out there so that I can feel better about my life. Even though it really isn't that bad and I don't have anything huge to complain about, I still feel the need to just vent. So here it goes. Gotta love the stupid retarded Triangles. So I am in love with someone that I have to wait to have. With no honest real guarantee that I can have them. Who is to say that they do not fall in love and get married to the person they are currently "with". And I say it like that because if they are with this person, they wouldn't be with me either. And it isn't that we are sexually to...