Random Thoughts From A Not So Confused Mind.

Here I am, sitting at the beach. I can no longer feel my toes. By myself... I will update the rest later. Later came like half a week later. So I sat on the beach and just watched the waves and looked at the stars. It was relaxing for a bit then I got super depressed and realize I have no one to share it with. I can just keep hoping some day someone will like me for me.

I am going to start off with my frame of mind this month.  It was just a crappy month in General for me. Everything bad that could happen, happened.  Flat Tire and just random emotional shit going through my head.  Hard to explain so lets scratch that.... but leave it... To respond to my Defeated comment. I am hard on myself because I just can't seem to pull it together and work out like I need too. I am always up so late with the kids that I just go right to bed and then wake up and go right to work.  Sure it may be excuses, but I am just always exhausted and it is easier to be lazy. However now that my diabetes has returned I will need to focus on this a bit more. Dearest I forgave you long ago because I never even really hated you. Frustrated, upset and sad that I lost a friend over a boy that I never really "had". Frustrated about that whole situation really. I have my up and downs. Lately downs. But I am working on being me again. I go out and dance more,...

So,  I realized that it doesn't matter if I have a great personality. The world just sees cow.

It is a hard thing to think of something that has happened almost ten years ago. The last two weeks have been a bit rough on me. I should clarify this has nothing to do with the ex and everything to do with my new life. First I realized that someone who I thought was a friend is just a kid who loves attention and will manipulate girls to get it. Making them think they have a chance and they never do. I stopped interaction with this person, not worth it. Having some girl move cross country for him with the thought that she has a chance.  Not that I like her per say. Anyone who is willing to leave their kid behind is not a good person. Sorry. That's your baby, they go where you go no matter what. Then there is this super sweet boy and I think I forgot that he just had a life c hanging event a merely 6 months ago. I had it in my head that he may have been ready for a relationship. Boy was I wrong. He gets so rude or so emo. Just can't even handle it. I am going to take a few ...