Random Thoughts From A Not So Confused Mind.

My almost 16yr old son is moving to Canada today to live with his dad.  To say I am devastated is an understatement.  I won't be there for his dances, or his senior Prom. I hope I can make his graduation.  I hope I can afford to go visit him.  I don't make enough to support us half the time, so going to see him seems impossible.   I feel like my heart is breaking and I'm losing part of myself. My first love is going to be so far away. 

Do you ever feel like your soul is dying? There has been a series of events lately and it it feels so overwhelming.  On the 22nd of November I had a transient ischemic attack and thank goodness it wasn't worse. I didn't get any time off work because the owners had vacation planned and didn't want me not to be there with a relief Doctor, so I worked through the pain I was in, and I am still working through it when I can't feel my fingertips. I had an MRI and I've missed two calls with my neurologist and thankfully I see him in person this week to go over it since I can't seem to get him on the phone as I'm always working. I'm trying to take my meal breaks away from my desk because I need that time to regroup and focus on my mental health and make phone calls and get my life together without everyone else overhearing. However,  the owners are giving me a hard time about it since I'm salary. They feel that I should eat at my desk or between appointments...

I don't know where I messed up but, I'm struggling. Struggling to buy food for my kids, Struggling to find a second WFH job so I can support my family, Struggling to just cope with everything.   I just cry all the time and the depression is real. I know it's temporary and I'll maybe get through it. But, I am just not able to face reality and figure it out right now.   Please send me your prayers. I need it.