Random Thoughts From A Not So Confused Mind.

A Chapter has ended A New one has begun All the sad in the past will be erased And undone. Looking for a brighter future together We can both start anew. . And in all our future's past a sign and smile and dream for what was and is and will be we sing the song of silence and whisper the howls of the moon. Contrast in color or black and white in a field of flowing gray. We are love, a dance of daffodils and feathers of angels on wings of the Dream. This was written by both of us. I found out recently that the last two years of my life has been a complete lie. He wasn't happy and was indeed cheating on me. We are going to make one last attempt at salvation. Not only for us, but for our two young children. We shall see what happens.

Second baby is finally here. She is wonderful. Sleeps all the time, and by herself at night. ( well not sleeping on my chest. ) Her big brother sometimes gets a bit jealous. But that will always happen. Speaking of big brother, he said his first sentence on Father's Day. Said " Wanna go round". It was soooo adorable. And he is also going pee in a big boy potty. Not sure how everything else is going. It really seems all messed up. Got yelled at and called a bitch in public. Was very embarassing. It made me think and want to step back and not continue. But I have two kids and need to attempt to work it out. Just feels pointless when it seems I am always the one having to compromise and none from him. Nothing I do ever seems to matter or make a difference. Job situation still makes me sad. No room for advancement is making me hate going. I am hoping that when I get back from leave I can get into a different department so I can stay there. I love my company, just hate my depa...

So it has been way over a year since I last post. My son is now over a year old and our little girl will be here within the next 4 weeks. I am still with the original person that I started writing this blog about. I can say it has not been easy and sometimes I just want to give up. I never did get that promotion. Today was a hard reminder, that I never will. I don't know if I am happy anymore. I seem to be lost 90% of the time. I feel that nothing I do will ever be great for anyone at all. That I am here to just be here. I am also scared that my depression will come back. ( had post-partum ). I am actively attempting to prevent that. However when you feel alone , lost and not loved, it is a bit hard to do. We did book a wedding site and I ordered my dress. So that is a plus. I also got an interview for a position on our main campus. I don't really expect to get it, however just getting an interview alone is enough for me. Well it is past my bed time. I wake up early with my s...

So I am now 9 months preggers. Due any day. Sitting at home, on maternity leave. Another promotion was given to someone else since I am on leave. Makes me sad. But I guess it just motivates me to stay a full 6 weeks out instead of 3 weeks. Whatever works right. Christmas is just around the corner, still don't have a tree or all of my gifts. But I will be doing last minute shopping this weekend with my mother. I don't have a car and I can't have him take me or he will know what he is getting. ( Note: I do have a car, it is just being loaned at the moment since I am unable to drive it. ) Anyways, just a small update.

As a life grows Something is left untold People always change Nothing ever remains the same Only one thing keeping you together An unborn light in the dark Hold on to the hope And maybe the love will unfold.

That's Right! I have teh baby!!

This one will be short! I am preggers and baby is on the way!