This Month.

I am going to start off with my frame of mind this month.  It was just a crappy month in General for me. Everything bad that could happen, happened.  Flat Tire and just random emotional shit going through my head.  Hard to explain so lets scratch that.... but leave it...

To respond to my Defeated comment. I am hard on myself because I just can't seem to pull it together and work out like I need too. I am always up so late with the kids that I just go right to bed and then wake up and go right to work.  Sure it may be excuses, but I am just always exhausted and it is easier to be lazy. However now that my diabetes has returned I will need to focus on this a bit more.

Dearest I forgave you long ago because I never even really hated you. Frustrated, upset and sad that I lost a friend over a boy that I never really "had". Frustrated about that whole situation really.


I have my up and downs. Lately downs. But I am working on being me again. I go out and dance more, sing more and am not so serious all the time. I just need to be around people that don't bring that part of me out anymore.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sleep Deprivation

The newest form of torture is not allowing me to sleep. He doesn't need much to function, so instead of letting me sleep he will keep me awake all night long with his TV being super loud and doing god knows what in the kitchen. If I ask him to turn it down he just yells and says I am trying to pick a fight and then turns it up more. I am almost done with school and I cannot retain any information for quizzes because I am so tired all the time. I don't want to have to retake a term because I failed because I cannot sleep. I miss sleep, I really do. I know I say I can function on little, but it is starting to get to me. I need more so I can remember things. I am anxious all the time and constantly crying at stupid shit. I just need a break. I am once again watching my dreams disappear as I find I have to go another route. The one I want just isn't enough to get me and the kids out of this situation. Narcissitic   people really suck.
Read more

There is the Ups, then the Downs.

So. Scheduling at work got terrible. I was on a shift that was awesome. However, since he was also on the shift they split us up. This only happened because someone complained so they could get my shift. It was awesome. It then ended up screwing a few other couples. Very sad really.  Then today I was sitting there and I heard her name being mentioned by our HR rep. And I got scared, and had a panic attack. All I could think about is if she started to work for us again, I would lose my job and go to jail all in the same day. I hate how this all comes back around. The waves that his actions caused will last forever it seems. How can I even attempt to get over it when it is one thing after another. Then tomorrow I get to explain to my son why his Dog is missing. She bit my dad, and unfortunantly we will not risk the danger of her hurting someone else. God forbid it was one of the babies. I also stress about the person dearest to me. She is going through a very rough time with her...
Read more

To lazy to think of a title.

There is a song that I like. And this is the description from the singer.  "'Arms' is about the fight between your heart and your mind. Your heart wants to be loved but your head is always telling you reasons not to be with him or her, or how you are not worth the love. It's about the struggle and finally giving in when you're wrapped in their arms. Then you get it. Then you feel loved and love wins." To bad things don't work out like this. Fairy tells are not true. No matter how much I would like them to be.
Read more