Life

It is a hard thing to think of something that has happened almost ten years ago.

The last two weeks have been a bit rough on me. I should clarify this has nothing to do with the ex and everything to do with my new life. First I realized that someone who I thought was a friend is just a kid who loves attention and will manipulate girls to get it. Making them think they have a chance and they never do. I stopped interaction with this person, not worth it. Having some girl move cross country for him with the thought that she has a chance.  Not that I like her per say. Anyone who is willing to leave their kid behind is not a good person. Sorry. That's your baby, they go where you go no matter what.

Then there is this super sweet boy and I think I forgot that he just had a life changing event a merely 6 months ago. I had it in my head that he may have been ready for a relationship. Boy was I wrong. He gets so rude or so emo. Just can't even handle it. I am going to take a few steps back even though our relationship got closer than it has been ever, last week. I don't want to be the one who makes him super emo since he is having a hard time getting over his loss. Not that I am saying he should forget her. But when something like this happens and they go away forever. FOREVER. They don't want you to be miserable for the rest of your life. They want you to be happy. But he just feels guilty when he gets happy.

I just don't understand why I can't find a man to be supportive, love me for me, no matter what. Is that so hard to ask?

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sleep Deprivation

The newest form of torture is not allowing me to sleep. He doesn't need much to function, so instead of letting me sleep he will keep me awake all night long with his TV being super loud and doing god knows what in the kitchen. If I ask him to turn it down he just yells and says I am trying to pick a fight and then turns it up more. I am almost done with school and I cannot retain any information for quizzes because I am so tired all the time. I don't want to have to retake a term because I failed because I cannot sleep. I miss sleep, I really do. I know I say I can function on little, but it is starting to get to me. I need more so I can remember things. I am anxious all the time and constantly crying at stupid shit. I just need a break. I am once again watching my dreams disappear as I find I have to go another route. The one I want just isn't enough to get me and the kids out of this situation. Narcissitic   people really suck.
Read more

There is the Ups, then the Downs.

So. Scheduling at work got terrible. I was on a shift that was awesome. However, since he was also on the shift they split us up. This only happened because someone complained so they could get my shift. It was awesome. It then ended up screwing a few other couples. Very sad really.  Then today I was sitting there and I heard her name being mentioned by our HR rep. And I got scared, and had a panic attack. All I could think about is if she started to work for us again, I would lose my job and go to jail all in the same day. I hate how this all comes back around. The waves that his actions caused will last forever it seems. How can I even attempt to get over it when it is one thing after another. Then tomorrow I get to explain to my son why his Dog is missing. She bit my dad, and unfortunantly we will not risk the danger of her hurting someone else. God forbid it was one of the babies. I also stress about the person dearest to me. She is going through a very rough time with her...
Read more

To lazy to think of a title.

There is a song that I like. And this is the description from the singer.  "'Arms' is about the fight between your heart and your mind. Your heart wants to be loved but your head is always telling you reasons not to be with him or her, or how you are not worth the love. It's about the struggle and finally giving in when you're wrapped in their arms. Then you get it. Then you feel loved and love wins." To bad things don't work out like this. Fairy tells are not true. No matter how much I would like them to be.
Read more