Random Thoughts From A Not So Confused Mind.

I am so over the petty bullshit. He is always the Fucking victim. No one listens to him. He's so Fucking selfish. Lawyer time for real.

This month is now flying by. I am on a temporary assignment that I love and it keeps me busy. However, no matter what distraction I may find, he is the first and last thing I think about every single day. I just want it to stop. I don't want to love him or care about him or think about it. But I don't have a choice. It is part of my life no matter what happens. This is the absolute last public time I am saying this. I will refuse to say this in the future. It may be harmful to an extend to myself.. . But saying it hurts more. I love you. And good bye.

I really don't understand. Now that I am not in the same building it is like he talks to me more. It is sooo frustrating. I have so many things to think about and I hate it. He's being nicer. Gave me a random real hug the other day. Real hug as in long and tight and held me. I don't know. I love him. But I know it won't work. Deep down, I know it won't. So I am not going to let myself entertain that idea again. It's a trap. It always is. This weekend will be fun I hope. Good Night.

The clock ticks on, wonders from beyond. Tonight shall shine and the rest shall fall Faint crimson drips of loves lingering pain Thoughts of not holding on One always stays strong.

It seems that time just keeps going. They say time heals all. I really wish that was the case. I keep trying to stay distracted but nothing seems to work. He's the first and last thing I think about every day no matter how I try to forget him. I should hate him. I'm broke and can't even afford baby formula and when I need help, he can't give me any. Now I have to find a way to feed my kids. Second Job. Here I come.

I am not to sure on where I am at in life right now. Some days are super amazing, and the others just suck. I was doing okay and then I hang out with him, not even in person and I miss him so much. I just want to be held by him and cuddle. Silly dreams. I saw a post today "Relationships are like broken glass, you get cut more trying to pick up the pieces" At least I know all my pieces are lost.

I sit here at midnight an realized that I miss my blog. Then I felt I didn't want to write because I am tired of it being all sad and if I did have something "happy" it almost feels as a betrayal. Oh life. How silly you are. I really wish the re-evaluating was over. I remember a conversation I had. Where we mentioned that we had gone down a similar path in a previous life.  But we both had not been sure of what that path was. We thought it was apart. And maybe it was. And maybe we are supposed to be together. But, I guess if that is the case, we will have to live life once again. I do have to say, my soul is getting tired and worn out. I think it could use a rest for a bit.