Random Thoughts From A Not So Confused Mind.

May is supposed to be a happy month. April showers brings May, flowers. Than june gloom. This eludes that May is awesome. Well advertising sure knows what they are doing. Mother nature has fooled us all. Friends child taking their last breath. Tornados take dozen of babies lives. An 18 year old dies of terminal cancer. Bad shit happens every single day. And it's not fucking fair. I know we have all heard: Live each day as your last. laugh as if no one is watching. Love unconditionally. It's time we all do this. Bad stuff happens because as a world, our karma meter is full. Pay it forward. If we don't, the next child lost may be our own. Step up America, for you are the must selfish, entitled group of people I have ever seen. You make me sad to be apart of this nation. Lets rebuild each others hope in humanity. And lets start it right now.

My little boy has a tooth infection. He is on antibiotics now. However, for the first time in my life I had to reach out to family and friends and ask for financial assitance. Which is rough for me to do. I feel bad that I can't afford this on my own. And it is slightly embarassing to publish that to the world. But I have some amazing people in my life. They have pulled together and donated over 300 bucks to help him out. Now my little man can get his baby root canal and crown to prevent further infection. I'm greatful for the people I have in my life. Thank you jesus for bringing them to me.

This is going to be short. Going to start this off with thanks Universe. You are truely fucked up. My court date was my two year anniversary for my wedding.  Exact same day... Two years later. Thanks for the awesome reminder that I had to see him on the exact day. Awesome. Fuck.

Life is fucked up sometimes. Children should not die before their parents. Please say a prayer for my friend. She lost her 2 year old baby girl today. She needs all the good vibes you can send her way. Even if you don't pray, please do today. I can only begin to imagine what she is going through. This physical pain in my heart doesn't even compare to hers. Walking by her little girls room knowng she won't come back is not something I could bare. So please again pray for her. Pray that the pain subides. Pray that she will get through this for herself, her husband and most importanty her son. Pray that one day this will not pain her so much. If you have babies. Hug them. Hold them close. Tell them you love them. Life is to short, you never know when it will be your last chance to do these things. To my children. I love you with all that I have. I will cherish every moment I have with you. Even when you are being brats. You will always be mommys little angels.

Waiting on this winding path, Watching others as they pass. Juggling Patience and Faith,  With life moving at a faster pace. The Lilies are blooming full, as the breeze blows cool. Follow the flowers to the end, they will provide the answers, and end the war.

 My little man has another therapy appointment tomorrow. I am super stressed about it. I know I should just relax and see where it takes us. But it is hard to do. I don't want him screaming and yelling like he did last time. My new friend has been helping so much with my little  boys mood swings. He listens to him and doesn't hit me nearly as much with him being here. It's very nice. But again, same time it is a bit to much, to fast for me. I am totally not ready to go down that road anytime soon. You would think that being single for two years would make me ready. But I guess I am just way to used to the Single Mom life that I don't want to add a third party into the mix. Maybe at this point I am just scared of commitment in general. I have so much that I do right now and I don't want to complicate that. I have my two kids, they are my world and I just don't feel right if someone else comes in and takes up time from them. Ugh. Frustrating.  Anyways. I had a...

So I guess I wasn't done typing. Staring off into time Wondering if I have the spine Cold lonely nights aplenty Feeling the gently breeze blowing Chaos Storming Frustration overflowing Watching a candle flicker Hearing the thunder rumble Very much humbled Time, Sound, Life Pause in an instant Try to keep up. Very poorly put. I just have so much going through my head at any given time right now. I am not handling it the best. I want to either Punch something, cry, scream  or just run away. It's the stupidest feeling ever. I mostly default to wanting to punch something. I need a punching bag for reals. Or a rock wall to climb. Or something else to beat up. :( Okay I am done now.