Memories

So I finally am going through my camera and uploading photos and I find one of Christmas. I was sitting against him and I looked so content, happy and complete. Who would of thought that a few months later that image would be completely shattered. And now, as I look at it, with him on the bed asleep with my son, my heart shatters all over again.  So odd how things can be going so wonderful and one photo memory can change all that. I sent it to him. I am not sure what he will do with it, if he will keep it. But I sent it none the less. With an apology. Because he will never know how I truly felt about him. Because I never really let him know. Even now, as I walked him out I couldn't tell him that I sent the photo. Sure he will find out soon enough, but my words are lost around him. I am a coward to my own defenses.

You would think, in light of the last week, that I shouldn't be like this. Yet the happy I have felt the past few days seems like a distant feeling or a dream. Lordy. How can one person be such a huge part of your life.

Silent screams
and dry tears
Stone resolve
for to many years

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