I am going to show you my "Brave".

Lately, it feels that my world is Surrounded in Negativity. It really sucks.

 So to update. The keeper I was telling y'all about. Go ahead, scratch that, tear it up , burn it for all I care. Instead of being a decent human being, he just stops talking to me. NOTHING. No goodbye, No I'm sorry I can't do this. Just POOF. Fucking VANISHES. Why is it, all these older boys are nothing but fucking high school? Best part is when I walk past him, since he is taller, just just refuses to look at me or acknowledge anything. 

Granted this happened about a month ago now, but still. I have been busy and was way to pissed off to post anything. 

I feel this is appropriate right now:

"You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it." ~Maya Angelou

Lately it feels that everything I am doing, is to pull myself up from a bottomless pit. Non Stop. But it is stopping now. This shit dragging me down, I don't need you. I don't want you. And No one should have you.

I am worth more than what is being thrown at me. It is time I find out what I want, and go and get it. None of this waiting around for the perfect life. My life is just fine how it is, and if anyone can't handle it. Get the hell out, or man the fuck up. Yes I am a single mom. But that isn't ALL I am. I am a young, strong beautiful woman that deserves to have someone who wants to move mountains if needed.  Time to see past the fluffy boys, 90% of women are this way. I support myself and a family without your help, I am not looking for your money. Pretty sure the majority of the time I make more than you anyways. But don't think I am going to be your sugar momma, this chick likes Diamonds.

 This sounds very harsh and self absorbed but I can be the nicest person you have met. I will help you out when you need it, move mountains for you. I just expect the same in return. I know, high standards there. 
Someday I may look back on this post and ask myself.
What was I thinking when I posted this? (Venting Frustrations and Realizations)
Was I sober? ( Very Much So)
Do I give a care what impression I am leaving? ( Hell no.)
Are you judging a random blog on the internet? ( 99% positive you are)

This is what our society does now isn't it. Judge a book by a small part of the cover. Well this book is over 3,000 pages long. I hope you understand that covers are deceiving and wish you luck in life. 

And finally, am I going to apologize for this post? Never.
And now to explain the title, a Song by Sara Bareilles.

You can be amazing
You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody’s lack of love
Or you can start speaking up
Nothing’s gonna hurt you the way that words do
And they settle ‘neath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight
Sometimes a shadow wins
But I wonder what would happen if you
Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave
Everybody’s been there, everybody’s been stared down
By the enemy
Fallen for the fear and done some disappearing
Bow down to the mighty
Don’t run, stop holding your tongue
Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is
Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
Innocence, your history of silence
Won’t do you any good
Did you think it would?
Let your words be anything but empty
Why don’t you tell them the truth?
Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sleep Deprivation

The newest form of torture is not allowing me to sleep. He doesn't need much to function, so instead of letting me sleep he will keep me awake all night long with his TV being super loud and doing god knows what in the kitchen. If I ask him to turn it down he just yells and says I am trying to pick a fight and then turns it up more. I am almost done with school and I cannot retain any information for quizzes because I am so tired all the time. I don't want to have to retake a term because I failed because I cannot sleep. I miss sleep, I really do. I know I say I can function on little, but it is starting to get to me. I need more so I can remember things. I am anxious all the time and constantly crying at stupid shit. I just need a break. I am once again watching my dreams disappear as I find I have to go another route. The one I want just isn't enough to get me and the kids out of this situation. Narcissitic   people really suck.
Read more

There is the Ups, then the Downs.

So. Scheduling at work got terrible. I was on a shift that was awesome. However, since he was also on the shift they split us up. This only happened because someone complained so they could get my shift. It was awesome. It then ended up screwing a few other couples. Very sad really.  Then today I was sitting there and I heard her name being mentioned by our HR rep. And I got scared, and had a panic attack. All I could think about is if she started to work for us again, I would lose my job and go to jail all in the same day. I hate how this all comes back around. The waves that his actions caused will last forever it seems. How can I even attempt to get over it when it is one thing after another. Then tomorrow I get to explain to my son why his Dog is missing. She bit my dad, and unfortunantly we will not risk the danger of her hurting someone else. God forbid it was one of the babies. I also stress about the person dearest to me. She is going through a very rough time with her...
Read more

To lazy to think of a title.

There is a song that I like. And this is the description from the singer.  "'Arms' is about the fight between your heart and your mind. Your heart wants to be loved but your head is always telling you reasons not to be with him or her, or how you are not worth the love. It's about the struggle and finally giving in when you're wrapped in their arms. Then you get it. Then you feel loved and love wins." To bad things don't work out like this. Fairy tells are not true. No matter how much I would like them to be.
Read more