6 Months and 3 days

The title is how long my recent relationship lasted.
I ended it today, yes me. 
It's not because I don't love him. But because he is not taking care of himself. As always, lets air my dirty laundry on the faceless internet world. 

 I grew up with an alcoholic father. It really did some damage. I did years of Al-anon, Ala-teen, all of it AA Programs for family members that are dealing with alcoholics. It helped me understand that it's not my fault and I can't make them change. Sure, it made me grow up far too quickly, but my mom was protecting us and making sure we understood why this was happening. I couldn't have asked for a better mom. And even though my dad is and will always be an alcoholic, I love him. 

 The reason I am telling you this is because my Boyfriend is an alcoholic. Well, not my boyfriend anymore. I have talked to him about his drinking issues before and I thought we had been doing good. But as I should have known, he is only going to tell me what I want to hear. To make sure he can keep me around. It just got worse and worse and excuse after excuse. Then some bad shit happened Saturday and he drove home drunk, because apparently I had attitude. Honestly, I didn't think I did. I was just in a hurry to make him dinner so he could go home and be with family. But he left, drunk and drove home. 

I stopped and thought real hard what that meant to me. And frankly, if he can do that to himself, then it isn't worth it. I am not going to put my kids through what I had to go through as a child. I want them to be free, loving, outgoing and not afraid. I don't want them to deal with someone Else's demons, not when I can protect them. Lastly, I don't want to watch another person that I love go down a dark, dark, dangerous path. The one thing I wish, is that I could shield his kids from this pain. But  I can't. 

 I am slightly lost, very upset and wish things could have been different. But, these are the cards we are dealt with and I have amazing friends to help me get through this hard time, yet again. 

 Internet land, remember, you and your family are number one. Do not Lose yourself to save someone. 
In that situation, no one is saved and most is lost. Love YOURSELF first.

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