Depression and Anxiety thoughts
It is hard to explain to people who don't suffer from any mental illness, on what you go through on a daily basis. Some people are lucky and depression and anxiety are not a constant threat in their lives. Then you have the people like me where you live with it at each waking moment. I think my "favorite" (Insert sarcasm) thing that happens is when I pick out something cute, but it may also be bright. I enjoy vibrant colors, they make me happy. I don't enjoy the constant anxiety of thinking I am being looked at and viewed negatively for those vibrant colors. Sure, deep down I know I am being paranoid and I am letting my anxiety win in those moments, but sometimes you cannot help it. It sneaks up on you. Anxiety causes so many issues in my life, that it makes it hard to navigate sometimes and this can lead to more issues.
Depression, another black hole. A constant fear of abandonment, of not being important enough, of not mattering. The best way I can explain it, is to share my thoughts that I have far too often. We can use tonight as an example. I was feeling especially low and I went by an accident where it looked as though someone was severely injured or passed away. Now, to clarify, I am not putting this out on the internet world as a last ditch effort for someone to save my life. I am a fighter and I know negative thoughts when they happen, and I could never leave my children parent-less by my own hand. So with that being said, My first thought was "I wish that was me". Not because I want pity, but because sometimes I feel life around me would be easier without me in it. I do not feel that I add value to those around me, and I cause more pain than good because of my own insecurities. I have cried every single day this week. EVERY DAY. The constant struggle to feel love is real, and maybe that is the problem. Maybe I am so broken I don't even know what love is, or how it feels. I share this because if you know someone who is struggling or they seem off base from their normal, tell them you love them or that you care, and if they allow hugs, hug them. Going through one day of hell is enough, hopefully you can end their sadness before an entire week has passed as has mine, which is why I share these thoughts. Humans need Human interaction to survive. Social Creatures. Being alone leaves us creating insecurities in our heads.
I don't have any more thoughts. Just be good to one another.
Depression, another black hole. A constant fear of abandonment, of not being important enough, of not mattering. The best way I can explain it, is to share my thoughts that I have far too often. We can use tonight as an example. I was feeling especially low and I went by an accident where it looked as though someone was severely injured or passed away. Now, to clarify, I am not putting this out on the internet world as a last ditch effort for someone to save my life. I am a fighter and I know negative thoughts when they happen, and I could never leave my children parent-less by my own hand. So with that being said, My first thought was "I wish that was me". Not because I want pity, but because sometimes I feel life around me would be easier without me in it. I do not feel that I add value to those around me, and I cause more pain than good because of my own insecurities. I have cried every single day this week. EVERY DAY. The constant struggle to feel love is real, and maybe that is the problem. Maybe I am so broken I don't even know what love is, or how it feels. I share this because if you know someone who is struggling or they seem off base from their normal, tell them you love them or that you care, and if they allow hugs, hug them. Going through one day of hell is enough, hopefully you can end their sadness before an entire week has passed as has mine, which is why I share these thoughts. Humans need Human interaction to survive. Social Creatures. Being alone leaves us creating insecurities in our heads.
I don't have any more thoughts. Just be good to one another.
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