Thoughts at 2:14 AM

Depression. It's been apart of who I am for the past 11 years. What caused it, I don't know. I've actively fought the symptoms the moment I realized what was going on. I'm lucky, I have two tiny humans to depend on me when so many have nothing to fight for. Because of them I fight all the negative. I want to be here for them when they cry, when they have children and everything else they may need. I know it is not an easy fight, but I have something to fight for. Their love, their lives and their happiness. I may not ever get my ideal happiness. But I will make sure they have theirs. It's sometimes the only thing keeping me moving forward. I need them to know that no matter how hard things may get, that there is always a future. Just because life doesn't go as planned, it's life and you can continue on. I know this is an odd post, but it needed to be said. I have to acknowledge my own demons before I can sleep tonight. As long as they don't see my tears every night before I sleep because I an afraid of not succeeding, then it will be okay. Life continues to throw giant curveballs, but I won't let it stop our progression. I made it through when their dad left, I'll make it through this life change and struggle if the next two years. I'll even make it through when my current boyfriend realizes what I already have, that me and my family unit is too much for him to handle. Life will continue on and my babies will have a wonderful one, no matter what. The things you fight for when you struggle with depression do make a difference. Don't struggle alone and don't fight for something that won't last. Love what you are able, hold onto that in your darkest times. You will need that faith to guide your way. 

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