3:00 AM

Sometimes the world isn't what we want it to be. I realize that crying for three hours is not normal. Nor is being up at 3:00 AM from crying and stress, but I always wonder how I will make it. I will. For my kids, but only for them. That is where I get upset. I no longer care what happens to me, I just want to make sure my babies are provided for and that I can give them the life they deserve. I'm willing to sacrifice so much for them, because I love them. That's what love should be, not holding something over someones head, or forcing them to do something they don't want to do, but to support them when they make a bad choice, and help them through it. Ivr made bad choices and always had to be my own rock, and boy, I am so runned down from it. Just once I'd like someone to be there for me, help me through the rough patches where I could break down and have a shoulder to cry on. I guess that us what this blog has always been. Years if me using the internet as a rock because I don't have one. I'm sure I'll pull myself back up and move on,  but right now I needed my very public pitty party.  Tell those around you how you feel, how much they mean to you. I promise it will make a difference.  No one needs to feel like they are dying on the inside or have the physical pain in your heart because you feel truly alone in your battles. We don't know what people are going through because we've created a world where people look the other way instead of asking how they can help. I recently went to a Tyler Henry show and something he said really stuck with me. When we are gone,  we dont take our stuff with us. So tell people how you feel, enjoy your family and just love. Life is to short to be in constant pain. Love. Compassion.  Kindness. We need this. Be there for someone when they need it the most, without expecting something in return.

That's my sad thoughts for this late morning.