Abuse Cycle Update

 It always feels like his crazy is horrible right around my exam times. I really think he sees me studying hard and decides "Today is the day I am going to flip the switch". Then it happens and he keeps me up late at night and starts yelling constantly and then goes outside and screams "elder abuse" when he is the one yelling at us. Today it all started because of my parrots. I had them nice and quiet and then he comes in and got them all pent up. Instead of letting them calm down he starts to talk to them and is all "I know, your mom is right there ignoring you and not paying attention to you" and kept doing this for a few moments and finally I stepped in and said "rude, I had them quiet and I was talking to them for a long time earlier". And he LOST IT. Starting to tell me how horrible I am and rude. I should have known it was a trap. I should have just walked away. This turned into hours of him telling me how I am a freeloader that does nothing because he never sees it when I do, do things. Says how I do not pay for things even though I just spent over $300.00 on groceries that he is happily eating, and how I have been cleaning up my dishes when I use them. He then calls my mom a bitch, and other horrible names. And apparently, I am not going to school, I am just out all day "playing" while he takes care of my pre-teen kids... because they cannot take care of themselves any longer...I swear he has to be taking something, this can't just be from the beer he has in his hands.

My volunteering I do is for my schooling and future career. It is direct hands on skills that are needed for school and mentorship. He knows this, but seems to not care. It is so easy for him to "forget" what I am doing so he can play the victim. 

I honestly was having a good day. I had some great, much needed news. And then this happens. I just really want to give up sometimes and toss in the towel. The abuse cycle sucks and it looks different for everyone. I am thankful in my case it hasn't escalated to physical. It used to be physical for my mom and sometimes I am afraid it still is, I hope with me here it isn't because he knows if I see it I will jump in. He always says things to her how "your daughter is the problem", "once she is gone we will be fine", to try and isolate her from her own family. 

Know that abuse takes different forms. Verbal and physical. It is damaging all the same. 

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