Drama Llama

 I started going to therapy not too long ago and it has been helping me with a lot of things. It has helped me realize a lot of toxic traits in a friend of mine and sadly we are no longer friends. She is now spreading lies about me and trying to turn me into the bad guy. It is fine, I am used to being the bad guy and that is what she is going to do because she has to always be the innocent one. But it also hurts at the same time. I am always being walked all over and trampled on and I just let it happen. I am tying to stay partial and not stoop to her level when she keeps talking trash at work and at school. She keeps gaslighting me saying she has never said something when she has, and then says I said things I have never said. She is trying to drag our mutual friend down with the ship and I hate that as well, and it hurts to know that she is hurting. There is always two sides to a story, yes. But when her side of th story is being 'forgotten' by her and erased and then only this evil side is being spewed against me, it is not fair. I am just taking it, I am not defending myself at all, I am just letting her do her thing because I do not have the mental capacity of fighting back or even defending myself. Last week I thought about and almost took my life. I sat there and almost did it because I just could not handle everything anymore. I was getting yelled at, at school and at home and had no place I could go to be safe. I didn't know what else to do, but then I thought about my kids and wanted to make sure to be there for them so here I am today. 

Here we are three weeks later and she is dragging this on. Getting others involved. Having them spread the rumors for her. I am to the point that I may get a lawyer because she is not only tryinig to ruin my career, but my reputation which isn't fair at all. I have worked hard to start over and do what I do and she keeps smearing my name in the mud. I don't know what else to do and it sucks. I keep getting people pulling me aside asking if I am okay and if I need anything and I just keep saying yes and no thank you. I don't want anymore people involved than already are but she keeps making it bigger and bigger. This is such a small community and it sucks that she is doing this and I am exhausted and burnt out and some days I would like to just give up.