Yearly Update

 It has been so long since I have written that I do not even know where to start. The last thing I wrote was very emotional because I was losing a friend, right at a crucial time in my life. I was in my last term of school, getting ready to take finals and my exit exam and there was still a lot happening at home. It seems like a never-ending cycle of constant struggle. But why is this a constant struggle? Well, you see, people in a situation like mine feel stuck. We have “no options” and don’t have great ways out. The resources are lacking, and the system fails us over and over again and no matter how hard we try, it is like quicksand. It’s almost too embarrassing to admit it is easier to stay in the shitty situation than to start over. So here I am writing about my last year to help everyone realize that we may not get a second chance.

August 2021, I graduated College and went to Vegas with some amazing people. It was the time of my life. I started working right when I got back and then November, I passed my state exam and became a licensed Veterinary Technician. It was like a dream, and I was so excited, and I saw a light at the end of the tunnel. I finally thought I would be ale to pay off bills. Then I was hit with it, my roommate asked me to start paying rent, which was more than half of one of my paychecks when they knew how much debt I had. This roommate happens to be my dad who has been making poor spending choices and needed some extra money to catch up on his bills. There was a lot of name calling from him and uncomfortable situations. More than once I had to go to my sisters with my children to get away from screaming, even though I set ground rules if I was going to pay, I get certain freedoms. Now, here was the first trap as financially I am stuck.

Fast forward to the present. He constantly screams at my momma. The neighbors have a restraining order on him because he screams at them. However, on July 30, 2022 he attempted to murder my mom and got away with it because she was drinking and we had no proof. My son called 911 because he found her on the floor bleeding. Mom came into my room and said goodnight to me about 45 minutes before the incident, she told me she was drinking and needed to go to bed because she had too much. About 30 minutes after that my son told me that he heard grandpa yelling at her while she was laying in bed. One of the things he said was “ Fine, if you want to commit suicide then do it”. Then about 15 minutes later is when my son came and got me saying he heard a thud and saw grandma on the ground. When I opened the door she was on the floor and her face was covered in blood. My dad said she fell out of bed and it was his blood because he cut his finger.

Things that don’t add up. She had a gash in her mouth and finger bruising around her neck, and to this day a hematoma on her neck. Bruising on her nose and a black eye and memory loss. What we deducted was that he tried to strangle her and she tried to roll away and that is how she fell out of the bed. The gash in her mouth could have been from the glass bottle that he did indeed break, but we aren’t sure how he broke it. Sadly, because she was drinking and asleep when this all happened and doesn’t remember any of it, the cops couldn’t/wouldn’t do anything. The hospital the ambulance took her to was the WORST hospital in the county and they did nothing and sent her home.

So here I am writing a blog while I listen to him yell at her yet again and call her a “F**king asshole bitch” and how she is the problem and that he’s perfect and she needs to fix it because it is all her. Sleep deprivation, financial control, coercive control, friend removal, this is all part of the abuse cycle. He does it to me, he does it to my kids and he has done it to my mom for 40 years. I am trying to help her break the cycle, but at some point I will need to walk away.