Random Thoughts From A Not So Confused Mind.

This is going to be short. Going to start this off with thanks Universe. You are truely fucked up. My court date was my two year anniversary for my wedding.  Exact same day... Two years later. Thanks for the awesome reminder that I had to see him on the exact day. Awesome. Fuck.

Life is fucked up sometimes. Children should not die before their parents. Please say a prayer for my friend. She lost her 2 year old baby girl today. She needs all the good vibes you can send her way. Even if you don't pray, please do today. I can only begin to imagine what she is going through. This physical pain in my heart doesn't even compare to hers. Walking by her little girls room knowng she won't come back is not something I could bare. So please again pray for her. Pray that the pain subides. Pray that she will get through this for herself, her husband and most importanty her son. Pray that one day this will not pain her so much. If you have babies. Hug them. Hold them close. Tell them you love them. Life is to short, you never know when it will be your last chance to do these things. To my children. I love you with all that I have. I will cherish every moment I have with you. Even when you are being brats. You will always be mommys little angels.

Waiting on this winding path, Watching others as they pass. Juggling Patience and Faith,  With life moving at a faster pace. The Lilies are blooming full, as the breeze blows cool. Follow the flowers to the end, they will provide the answers, and end the war.

 My little man has another therapy appointment tomorrow. I am super stressed about it. I know I should just relax and see where it takes us. But it is hard to do. I don't want him screaming and yelling like he did last time. My new friend has been helping so much with my little  boys mood swings. He listens to him and doesn't hit me nearly as much with him being here. It's very nice. But again, same time it is a bit to much, to fast for me. I am totally not ready to go down that road anytime soon. You would think that being single for two years would make me ready. But I guess I am just way to used to the Single Mom life that I don't want to add a third party into the mix. Maybe at this point I am just scared of commitment in general. I have so much that I do right now and I don't want to complicate that. I have my two kids, they are my world and I just don't feel right if someone else comes in and takes up time from them. Ugh. Frustrating.  Anyways. I had a...

So I guess I wasn't done typing. Staring off into time Wondering if I have the spine Cold lonely nights aplenty Feeling the gently breeze blowing Chaos Storming Frustration overflowing Watching a candle flicker Hearing the thunder rumble Very much humbled Time, Sound, Life Pause in an instant Try to keep up. Very poorly put. I just have so much going through my head at any given time right now. I am not handling it the best. I want to either Punch something, cry, scream  or just run away. It's the stupidest feeling ever. I mostly default to wanting to punch something. I need a punching bag for reals. Or a rock wall to climb. Or something else to beat up. :( Okay I am done now.

A lot of stuff has gone down in the last few weeks. It's crazy how every time I think life is going to be normal, it fools me.   We shall do the good news first. Bestie is now married and expecting a baby boy. So that is freaking awesome and I am super happy for her. :) One of the joys in my life right now for sure. I didn't get my promotion of course. Typical. I should know better by now than not to try to do anything of importance at my company. Though it opened other opportunities for me, just not sure if it is the path I want to go down. It is extremely frustrating for you to have your manager tell you " well, maybe you should find a job outside of the company, get the experience and then try to come back" when you damn well know we are not hiring and don't plan on doing so anytime soon. I am still one of the top performers and will continue to do so, in case I need a professional reference from one of my managers. The family situation is kind of stressf...

So much shit is going on right now my head wants to just explode. I will update my blog when  I can. I don't think I have touched it at all this year. Weeeeeee. But yes, I am still alive. Doing the same. Working on a promotion. ect ect ect. The normal.