Hard day.

Today I finally got him to say what he has been feeling and not skate around the issue. We are done. He can't do it. You would think that this wouldn't bother me as much, but it just cut deeper. I guess what I don't understand is all of this. He said he loved me and then made sure to let me know he was on auto pilot and doesn't mean it. I didn't even really hear it on the voicemail.  But he made sure to go above and beyond to hurt me more. Its just not fair. Why love, why can you be so cruel. Obviously today is a step back day and not forward. I just feel so very alone. I want that companionship. That comfort. The love that I know I someday deserve. But right now, I just hurt.

Yes it hurts. I keep trying to take it a day at a time. But my mind likes to be full of happy endings and things that are not real. You would think I could move on. But you don't give up modeling and be a mom if you realized it wasn't long term. Oh love. How you fooled me and only me. Since my friends all said they saw this outcome. Thanks again you cruel world.

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