2016, Let's be Friends
What a wonderful thing,
the World being round.
No matter how dark,
the sun shines again.
Stars light up the darkness,
to guide your way.
Waiting for the moment,
of rebirth.
Find that Angel,
and hold on tight.
No pain is forever,
follow the light.
Wake from this dream,
and know who you are.
You're an amazing beam,
of the highest star.
It's amazing how I look back and see all the ups and downs of the past years. Then I realize, no matter how much I want everything to be wonderful, that is just not how life works. Yes, I can get extremely depressed and write about it here. The worst part of my thoughts go out on the internet. Why? Because if I don't have an outlet, what happens to those thoughts... they may become a reality. Isn't that anyone's fear. I am not a person that likes being dark, when it happens it must be purged. So I do that here. But there is so much I fight for on any given day. Yes, it is draining. But there are people like me that go out of our way to make others happy and we forget about our needs in the meantime. Of course it comes back to us thinking about , where did I go wrong? Did I lose myself? Did I do the right thing? I didn't go wrong. I didn't lose myself. I did do the right thing. Because that is who I am, who we are. During all this, I have faith and hope, that my happy ending is out there. I have to have that hope. so that I can continue what I do and know "someday that will be me".
I feel I have so much more in me to write, but my hands just can't put into words what I am thinking. So this may not be a streamline thought incoming. Just a fair warning.
I realized that I am happy for the most part. Though, even happy I find myself closer to tears more now, than in the last 5 years of being alone. I feel exhausted, and tired all the time. I need some type of change, some type of moment where my life changes. I think I just wish I could be on my own without help from my mom to raise my kids. I want to be able to raise them without the constant knowing I can't do it without their help.
My biggest fear is not being alone for the rest of my life, but that my kids will hate me and that I will fail them. I don't really know what else I can do to make sure they will see how much I love them and want the best for them.
Oh future, how I wish I knew what was coming. To help me prepare. To help me breath.
the World being round.
No matter how dark,
the sun shines again.
Stars light up the darkness,
to guide your way.
Waiting for the moment,
of rebirth.
Find that Angel,
and hold on tight.
No pain is forever,
follow the light.
Wake from this dream,
and know who you are.
You're an amazing beam,
of the highest star.
It's amazing how I look back and see all the ups and downs of the past years. Then I realize, no matter how much I want everything to be wonderful, that is just not how life works. Yes, I can get extremely depressed and write about it here. The worst part of my thoughts go out on the internet. Why? Because if I don't have an outlet, what happens to those thoughts... they may become a reality. Isn't that anyone's fear. I am not a person that likes being dark, when it happens it must be purged. So I do that here. But there is so much I fight for on any given day. Yes, it is draining. But there are people like me that go out of our way to make others happy and we forget about our needs in the meantime. Of course it comes back to us thinking about , where did I go wrong? Did I lose myself? Did I do the right thing? I didn't go wrong. I didn't lose myself. I did do the right thing. Because that is who I am, who we are. During all this, I have faith and hope, that my happy ending is out there. I have to have that hope. so that I can continue what I do and know "someday that will be me".
I feel I have so much more in me to write, but my hands just can't put into words what I am thinking. So this may not be a streamline thought incoming. Just a fair warning.
I realized that I am happy for the most part. Though, even happy I find myself closer to tears more now, than in the last 5 years of being alone. I feel exhausted, and tired all the time. I need some type of change, some type of moment where my life changes. I think I just wish I could be on my own without help from my mom to raise my kids. I want to be able to raise them without the constant knowing I can't do it without their help.
My biggest fear is not being alone for the rest of my life, but that my kids will hate me and that I will fail them. I don't really know what else I can do to make sure they will see how much I love them and want the best for them.
Oh future, how I wish I knew what was coming. To help me prepare. To help me breath.
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