Alone and scared.

I feel completely lost, alone and frightened. Goals have not been met. I wanted a family, a complete family. Not a broken one where my son asks me when his daddy is coming home and I have to tell him he's not. It breaks my heart every time. I want to be loved, Held, Romanced, told I'm beautiful. But not by random people. By someone who is committed to me. Who completes me once again and I complete their world. I still feel as if my soul is missing. It ran away with the person it felt it belonged to. And I am beginning to think I will never get it back and I will remain this hollow shell of nothingness. Rotting away into a perfect robot.  I realize that I have done wrong in my past, but you can't change the past only know what not to do for the future. But when your future is so unclear, how do you know what path to take? Judgement may be off and cloudy. Gut feelings may be ignored or incorrect . Life is an unfair cruel joke.  I know I have said it before, but I do really think that to be true.
Someday, years from now, I hope that my world won't be so dark. A light at the end of the tunnel would help guide my way.  I feel as if things had been getting better, then realizing I will be alone when for once, I need it the most just seemed to bring me back to the dark.  I don't like asking this, but please pray for me. Not so much for my happiness, but for my health so I can live long enough to see my babies graduate and their babies graduate. Health issues have never really concerned me until April of this year when the hit home, and made me see that I may also be needing the help of others. I have never been this scared and felt so utterly alone at the same time.
I could ramble for hours, I want to, but know it will not accomplish anything. So with that....
Tonight I shall pretend that I have a loved one with me, holding me tight and making me feel as if I am the only one in their world that really matters.