2020 Sucks
You would think that with everything going on, my mind wouldn't go back to the one person who crushed my heart, but it does. I sit here and wonder if he even cares how we are doing during this pandemic, if we are okay. If I am holding up with severe depression and anxiety. Then I realize he most likely doesn't even care because he never loved me the way that I loved him. I just hope I can do my best for my kids and that we get through this together as a family unit.
Now I am stuck in a house with my life long abuser, trying to keep my kids safe so that they are not the next victims. We cannot leave and escape to school during the day as it was canceled until the end of April, who knows, maybe forever. I will fight for them as long as I am alive, no matter what, they are my reason for being here.
This is my worst fear as a parent. Raising my kids in a world where other people may become their worst enemy. Where other people will exploit the kindness to get supplies that they do not have. I hope we can recover from this pandemic and I hope we can recover quickly with minimal losses. I also hope we can find our humanity again and stop hoarding the toilet paper, baby wipes, diapers, and other essentials. We are turning into savages, out of fear, out of panic, but why? Does no one realize they will have so much left over that they will have to donate once this is over. You've now taken from the less fortunate and from those who could not get to the stores in time.
This entire situation is fucked and I hate it. I hate seeing people go against each other instead of banding together. I hate seeing people not following the protocols and walking in tight bunches, instead of spreading apart to slow down the spread of this disease. IT IS SERIOUS. We all can get sick. REGARDLESS of how old you are, or what your immune system is like, all of us. We should care about spreading this disease and stop being so entitled that we think it won't infect us, or that if it does, it will just be a head cold. I am pretty sure I had it at the end of January as I was sick for over three weeks. When I went to the doctor's I was prescribed with two antibiotics, prednisone and a behind counter antihistamine. I was told it was just "sinitus".. But if you look back this was before there was testing for COVID-19 and before there was anyone taking it serious. If I indeed had this and went undiagnosed, I could have infected hundreds at my school, the bars I went to, the sporting events and anyplace else before I was showing any symptoms. As it was, when I was sick, I was on my ass for two weeks and couldn't even walk without help and I am generally a healthy individual. The total amount of time I was sick and on medication was an entire month, I just now started feeling better and it is March. That my friends, is not sinitus.
The main point I am getting at here is be good to one another. If you are like me and suffer from depression and anxiety and feel very alone during these times, you aren't. I don't know you personally, but I see you, I feel you. I know what you are going though. I know what it is like to sit in your bed at night and cry because you are scared that you will be alone through some of the darkest times, but you are not alone. We have each other. We have to believe that. Build each other up, help each other out. Be there for your neighbors, your friends, your family, those strangers that need someone to talk to. Make a new community, a new circle. This is the time to really lean on humanity and find out what it means to be human.
Now I am stuck in a house with my life long abuser, trying to keep my kids safe so that they are not the next victims. We cannot leave and escape to school during the day as it was canceled until the end of April, who knows, maybe forever. I will fight for them as long as I am alive, no matter what, they are my reason for being here.
This is my worst fear as a parent. Raising my kids in a world where other people may become their worst enemy. Where other people will exploit the kindness to get supplies that they do not have. I hope we can recover from this pandemic and I hope we can recover quickly with minimal losses. I also hope we can find our humanity again and stop hoarding the toilet paper, baby wipes, diapers, and other essentials. We are turning into savages, out of fear, out of panic, but why? Does no one realize they will have so much left over that they will have to donate once this is over. You've now taken from the less fortunate and from those who could not get to the stores in time.
This entire situation is fucked and I hate it. I hate seeing people go against each other instead of banding together. I hate seeing people not following the protocols and walking in tight bunches, instead of spreading apart to slow down the spread of this disease. IT IS SERIOUS. We all can get sick. REGARDLESS of how old you are, or what your immune system is like, all of us. We should care about spreading this disease and stop being so entitled that we think it won't infect us, or that if it does, it will just be a head cold. I am pretty sure I had it at the end of January as I was sick for over three weeks. When I went to the doctor's I was prescribed with two antibiotics, prednisone and a behind counter antihistamine. I was told it was just "sinitus".. But if you look back this was before there was testing for COVID-19 and before there was anyone taking it serious. If I indeed had this and went undiagnosed, I could have infected hundreds at my school, the bars I went to, the sporting events and anyplace else before I was showing any symptoms. As it was, when I was sick, I was on my ass for two weeks and couldn't even walk without help and I am generally a healthy individual. The total amount of time I was sick and on medication was an entire month, I just now started feeling better and it is March. That my friends, is not sinitus.
The main point I am getting at here is be good to one another. If you are like me and suffer from depression and anxiety and feel very alone during these times, you aren't. I don't know you personally, but I see you, I feel you. I know what you are going though. I know what it is like to sit in your bed at night and cry because you are scared that you will be alone through some of the darkest times, but you are not alone. We have each other. We have to believe that. Build each other up, help each other out. Be there for your neighbors, your friends, your family, those strangers that need someone to talk to. Make a new community, a new circle. This is the time to really lean on humanity and find out what it means to be human.
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