Isolation, Physical Distancing and Domestic Violence


      The hardest part about being stuck in your house, is being stuck in your house with Domestic Violence. At least before the kids and I had been able to go to school during the day and have some freedom.   Week one at home wasn't that bad.  I heard him yell at my mom from time to time at night, but it was contained, and I did worry about her.  Then week two came along and it started to flow out of the room and through the house.  Wednesday, he yelled at her because she didn't want to sit outside with him because it was cold. Yesterday because she didn't want my dog to be outside while other dogs had been off leash, which is a rule. So, I intervened, and he started to take it out on me. I will take it because I don't want him to yell at my mom anymore.  Today is my mom's birthday. Stuck in a house with an abuser and not even able to take her out.  I got her flowers delivered, a beautiful sun hat and sadly I burnt dinner, but I tried.  That made him angry that I burnt dinner, so he was already upset. Then the delivery men came with some groceries which ended up being one item from the entire delivery because everything else was out of stock.  What does he do, he decided to yell at the poor delivery folks on her birthday, in front of her and all the neighbors?  Super embarrassing.  I don't know what to do anymore as mom won't tell his doctor's because she is afraid that he will one of these days kill her.  I told her that is WHY she NEEDS to tell his doctor's. But she won't. 

     Domestic Violence is no joke and years of it really messes up someone's mind.  Being stuck in a house where you can't run away sucks.  I can't take her anywhere because I don't have a job to do it.  I had a support system that ran away from me, someone who was going to help me through these two years of school and they just bounced... I can't even lean on them to figure out how to get us out of this situation and how to save my mom.  SO, here I am writing to the world of my troubles.  Domestic Violence happens all the time. 

     The worst part is we as victims are not protected. The cops have come to the house so many times and you know what they do, absolutely nothing. NOTHING AT ALL. Instead they kick the kids, myself and my mom out and ask if there is someplace, we can go until HE, THE ABUSER calms down. This is what victims live with. WE GET DISPLACED. We have to leave our lives behind. My animals are left behind. I have to worry about them being injured while we are being asked to leave clothes, essentials, homework, personal belongings BEHIND. Sometimes for days I live out of the kindness of my sister's heart until my kids and I can go home. 

     But what happens right now when I can't do that, especially because I may have COVID-19?  We are isolated in this house because I have symptoms and I can't even get tested as they are not "severe" enough to warrant a test.  I will only get tested if these symptoms keep getting worse and I end up in the ER, which may happen.  Every single day I get worse and it gets harder to function. I guess we will see what happens. I hope that it is just a flu, that is getting bad because it is going from rain to sun to rain to sun. I am hoping that if it isn't, that someone will step up and watch my babies and my mom while I am being cared for.  And if something does happen to me, god forbid, that someone will take care of my mom and she will find a way to become free from years of abuse.  I am here as a buffer for now, but being sick makes me realize that I may not always be here as a buffer forever and that truly scares me.  The only reason he doesn't do anything while I am here, is because he knows I will defend her before I ever defend him. 

     Remember with Domestic Violence, we don't get a choice when it comes time to leave.  We lose so much as we don't have rights to things that are OURS. When we make the choice to take our lives back, we lose so much. Starting over isn't easy when the system is against you. Someday you may be a landlord that has a potential new tentant with no income history that is a survivor of abuse, think twice before you say no.  You may be a new begining for this person and if you say no, you may be sending them back to their abuser.  Be the change that we so badly need. Be the difference.  Save someone's life. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sleep Deprivation

The newest form of torture is not allowing me to sleep. He doesn't need much to function, so instead of letting me sleep he will keep me awake all night long with his TV being super loud and doing god knows what in the kitchen. If I ask him to turn it down he just yells and says I am trying to pick a fight and then turns it up more. I am almost done with school and I cannot retain any information for quizzes because I am so tired all the time. I don't want to have to retake a term because I failed because I cannot sleep. I miss sleep, I really do. I know I say I can function on little, but it is starting to get to me. I need more so I can remember things. I am anxious all the time and constantly crying at stupid shit. I just need a break. I am once again watching my dreams disappear as I find I have to go another route. The one I want just isn't enough to get me and the kids out of this situation. Narcissitic   people really suck.
Read more

There is the Ups, then the Downs.

So. Scheduling at work got terrible. I was on a shift that was awesome. However, since he was also on the shift they split us up. This only happened because someone complained so they could get my shift. It was awesome. It then ended up screwing a few other couples. Very sad really.  Then today I was sitting there and I heard her name being mentioned by our HR rep. And I got scared, and had a panic attack. All I could think about is if she started to work for us again, I would lose my job and go to jail all in the same day. I hate how this all comes back around. The waves that his actions caused will last forever it seems. How can I even attempt to get over it when it is one thing after another. Then tomorrow I get to explain to my son why his Dog is missing. She bit my dad, and unfortunantly we will not risk the danger of her hurting someone else. God forbid it was one of the babies. I also stress about the person dearest to me. She is going through a very rough time with her...
Read more

To lazy to think of a title.

There is a song that I like. And this is the description from the singer.  "'Arms' is about the fight between your heart and your mind. Your heart wants to be loved but your head is always telling you reasons not to be with him or her, or how you are not worth the love. It's about the struggle and finally giving in when you're wrapped in their arms. Then you get it. Then you feel loved and love wins." To bad things don't work out like this. Fairy tells are not true. No matter how much I would like them to be.
Read more