Rough day
Why. I torture myself with hope. I cuddle with him. It means nothing to him and everything to me. He made it clear today. I am nothing but his children's mother.
2020
Sometimes I dont know how to express my thoughts or feelings. This is the best I can do right now as there is still so much going on. I realize that my role in life is only mother, never wife. That's just not in my cards. You said you'd take care of me You said it would be fun You said we'll get married And be a family You said you'd take care of me Even when things got hard You said no matter what, Two are better than one You said you'd take care of me I never thought you'd run Disappearing like a ghost Forgetting all the fun You said you'd take care of me Until you realized it was work All the pain, all the hurt All because you said you'd take care if me And for once I believed in true love
Comments
I DON'T want that to happen.
But the time has come to say something because you're in so much pain hun. Keep holding on. You are a fantastic mother to two awesome kids. You are loved by all you encounter. Whether you work things out with him, or forge a new life on your own, just bring back that fiery fiesty spark.
There was a time when you made no apologies for who you were. Bring that back. Your strength and your beauty, your capacity to love and forgive has been demonstrated over and over through the years. Sometimes walking away is the easiest thing to do. Sometimes walking away is the hardest thing to do.
Don't live a stunted, miserable life for the sake of your kids. What they need is a mom who is happy - they need that above everything else. Chase that happiness. Find that dream. Where you are, or somewhere else entirely.
You show so much fortitude in standing by him, still trying to help him, even if this is the end of the road. You'd do anything for him.
So what would it take for you to love yourself that much? To go to the ends of the earth for you? To chase your own happiness for the first time in your life?
Because that fiesty, funky, shining, spunky girl is irresistable. Maybe finding yourself again is your path back together to be whole and complete once more. On a new foundation, with borders around respect.
Just hang in there hun. Make choices to make your own life the best it can be... and suddenly it will be those three months in the future, and you can look back at how far you've come and smile.
I am sorry for posting, for breaking the anonymity - I know this is your private vent space. Even if you ask me in real life, I'll lie, and deny it was me.
I had to break it though... to weep with you in your pain, and to let you know you're not alone, and I am SO PROUD of you for what you've done in your life.
No-one has known that I found it, no-one will ever know.
Just take care of yourself.