Random Thoughts From A Not So Confused Mind.

The wonderful world of living with depression, whether it is in so called "remission" or not, it is always there. As my one plug for those with depression, there are resources out there for you, you are not alone and you can get through this. I know it seems like there isn't an end, but always fight for you, you are worth it, no matter what. With that being said, I feel like it has been a roller coaster week for me. I am feel like a person in those Romance Novels you read about. I will be the first to admit that I am 100% stubborn and refuse to say I love you first, but it also sucks as I don't think my man is the type of person who will easily say it first as he too has been pretty burned in the past. So it puts me in a pretty crappy situation at the moment. On top of those extremely strong feelings deciding they want to be around, my depression and lack of self worth have also jumped out of the shadows to say hello. I feel like I have been torn in so many directio...

I can't believe it has already been a month! Where has the time gone! Flown right on by! I was a very lucky girl this weekend and my handsome and most amazing boyfriend came out to visit. Though, it was only for a weekend, it was a great weekend. It helped out a lot. I have been missing him a lot lately.  I am also making a visit to go see him in a few weeks, yay me on a plane, that shall be interesting. I may be slightly tipsy by 6:00 in the morning.  In March, I am going on a vacation and I will have to face something I have been avoiding since November. It is always hard to see part of your life end with a person. That chapter has come and gone and selfish people deserve selfish people, so I hope it works out for them. But, having to see it face to face is going to be rough. I already have come to peace that having her in my life is over. I was excited as I was under the assumption I was getting a new friend. Sadly, I found out they wanted more than friends and quickly ...

Hello 2018.  Another year has passed and most of the world has found a way to say 2017 was so horrible.  These are the same folks who said 2016 was horrible. So, as you can see, there is a trend.  I see that another year has flown by, and that is all. I am happy we have survived.  I am happy for my children.  I'm sad that my boyfriend has moved six hours away, but happy for the opportunity that was provided to him.  My grandfather died in 2017, but I rejoice that his suffering is over. It's all about perspective.  We have to select to be happy and take the bad in with the good.  2018 will be another year. Just as crazy, frustrating and exciting as the year before. No one else controls our happiness but us.  Don't let someone take that away from you. Happy New Year.  Happy life. Happy everything. You've got this world, change your perspective and acknowledge all the great in your life.  You don't have to accept the bad and le...

This month has been a bit interesting, full of ups and downs. I am going to start with highlights and then go into some details after. My best friend asked me to be his girlfriend on November 4th. I, of course said yes and I am sure I already love him. Thankfully, he has no idea that I have this blog and won't see that or he would run away so fast. Then a WEEK after he asked me to be his lady, he got a job offer in a different area.... 6 hours away. For his Birthday, we decided to do a terrain race, this was on November 19th. Then, that evening I found out that my grandfather passed away. My dad has been losing his shit, and being a giant jerk because of it as it was his dad, though I think it really just made his normal behavior a bit more unbearable. Today I took the kiddos on their very first 5k and it was a bit rocky, but we completed in less than an hour. So! Let's get into some detail shall we! As you can see it has been a bit of an emotional roller coaster for me. On...

Hello Internet Land. Same issues with the iPad. I am not sure why it always crashes, but it makes it very difficult to get to my blog. Between the kids, school, work and fitness I feel I don't have that much time.  Work has been awesome. I love what I do, even though sometimes it feels like I need a few of me to get things done. I am going to be facilitating my own classes starting September, and it is slightly terrifying, but way more exciting. Going to school really does pay off.  I am still single for those who are curious. #ForeverSingle Life in general is pretty great. It has of course been frustrating at times and that is just how it is. But, I just focus on each single day and move forward. I am no longer doing Superfit, but swapped it up to Kickboxing.  I did another 10k and half marathon back to back, and plan on doing more. That was so much fun and I like to have the medals hanging on my walls. I also am going to try to do more terrain racing and Tough...

I realize it has almost been a full year of silence from me. This isn't because I haven't wants to say anything, I just was keeping myself so busy I never got around to it. I kept trying to write posts from my Ipad and then it would crash. Here I am, sitting at my computer, ready to give life updates. From April to July my life was very day to day. Nothing exciting. Then, I made the choice at the end of May to go back to school. It was the best choice I have ever made. Granted I barely have time for myself, but I will have my BA by 2018. I hit the 10 year mark at my company as well. So lets start there. August was an extremely emotional moth for me. I found out on a Friday morning that I had been accepted for yet another Temporary Assignment and that I got accepted to school! ALL Within an hour of each other!  I was very lucky to even have the opportunity to apply as I was on a cool down for Temporary Assignments. It was a coordinator role for the Talent and Organizational ...

Five years ago, I was supposed to get Married.  It is hard to think that it would have been Five years on April 16th.  But then again, I can't complain. He never really loved me, just the thought of me .... and I feel it may have been the same for me. So I can't place all the blame.  Five years, and I have been single for four of them.  Back to being single again as well. I got dumped this time with the lovely line " its not you, its me". Thanks bro.  But looking back, I have to wonder why. Why am I just not date-able? Is it me? Is it the kids? My generation sucks.  Sure I have my standards and no I don't think they are too high. Then I look at some of my friends who are in 10 yr+ relationships and not happy. I don't want that. I want to be happy. I think we all deserve that much. Maybe I've lost my person, or passed them up. And that is something I can start to come to terms with. I have me, I have my kids and I have my workouts.  Five years, ...