Sigh?

I have no other title. It is how I feel and how I am looking at things now. I am just not caring at this point. I was yelled at so bad last night it took me back to a previous relationship. He got in my face and was screaming and the first thing that came in my mind was that I was about to be hit. I know he would never, at least I hope he would never. But I was so scared. I had a panic attack and ended up locking myself in my bathroom with the lights off until I could calm down. I had terribly thoughts of ways to end it all and that just scared me because I haven't had those kind of thoughts in a very long time. I know it was due to the anxiety only.

And I can't stop listening to that song.