Untitled

He looks at me like he wants to say something, but won't. He looks at me , like I am the plague. He looks at me like he no longer knows what to do. The look is something I don't like to see.

As I'm standing here in the Dark,
Still as a predator waiting for prey
Wondering if Daylight will ever arise.
Realization of fate to come,
never brings happiness.

A sharp knife,
and a Dull pain
Words can bring even,
the strongest willed down.

Silence, will ruin it all.

Sometimes I wonder if I am doing the right thing. Am I doing this for me or for my kids? I would like to think both. However, if kids had not been involved, I would of been long gone. My entire life, I have never been with one person who was faithful. There was someone once, and he would of been faithful, and very attentive, however he wasn't something I could see ever being special. Am I just attracted to people that can't respect me as a person? Who are morally bankrupt? ( not all granted ) . Maybe I am doing something wrong. Maybe I lead them to do this. Maybe I am such a terrible, horrible person that somehow makes them cheat and stay at the same time. Obviously my reading didn't go as planned. It did start well, she liked him. Then the name came up. The horrible name of the whore who can't just go away. The whore who has to stay in my life and screw my friends. As I do have more to say, the little one is now awake. <3

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sleep Deprivation

The newest form of torture is not allowing me to sleep. He doesn't need much to function, so instead of letting me sleep he will keep me awake all night long with his TV being super loud and doing god knows what in the kitchen. If I ask him to turn it down he just yells and says I am trying to pick a fight and then turns it up more. I am almost done with school and I cannot retain any information for quizzes because I am so tired all the time. I don't want to have to retake a term because I failed because I cannot sleep. I miss sleep, I really do. I know I say I can function on little, but it is starting to get to me. I need more so I can remember things. I am anxious all the time and constantly crying at stupid shit. I just need a break. I am once again watching my dreams disappear as I find I have to go another route. The one I want just isn't enough to get me and the kids out of this situation. Narcissitic   people really suck.
Read more

There is the Ups, then the Downs.

So. Scheduling at work got terrible. I was on a shift that was awesome. However, since he was also on the shift they split us up. This only happened because someone complained so they could get my shift. It was awesome. It then ended up screwing a few other couples. Very sad really.  Then today I was sitting there and I heard her name being mentioned by our HR rep. And I got scared, and had a panic attack. All I could think about is if she started to work for us again, I would lose my job and go to jail all in the same day. I hate how this all comes back around. The waves that his actions caused will last forever it seems. How can I even attempt to get over it when it is one thing after another. Then tomorrow I get to explain to my son why his Dog is missing. She bit my dad, and unfortunantly we will not risk the danger of her hurting someone else. God forbid it was one of the babies. I also stress about the person dearest to me. She is going through a very rough time with her...
Read more

To lazy to think of a title.

There is a song that I like. And this is the description from the singer.  "'Arms' is about the fight between your heart and your mind. Your heart wants to be loved but your head is always telling you reasons not to be with him or her, or how you are not worth the love. It's about the struggle and finally giving in when you're wrapped in their arms. Then you get it. Then you feel loved and love wins." To bad things don't work out like this. Fairy tells are not true. No matter how much I would like them to be.
Read more